


Philia, Storge, Eros, & Agape

by Rogueangelll



Category: 18th Century CE RPF, Alexander Hamilton - Ron Chernow, American Revolution RPF
Genre: Angst, Bisexual Alexander Hamilton, Canon Era, Canon Gay Relationship, Christianity, F/M, Freeform, Gay John Laurens, Greek Philosphers, Implied Sexual Content, Internalized Homophobia, Internalized Misogyny, M/M, One Shot, Period-Typical Homophobia, References to Shakespeare, Religion, Sad, Sad Ending, War, greek philosophy - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-07
Updated: 2018-10-07
Packaged: 2019-07-27 16:46:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,334
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16223222
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rogueangelll/pseuds/Rogueangelll
Summary: Non-canon world in which Hamilton asks Laurens to be his best man at his wedding.





	Philia, Storge, Eros, & Agape

"John, I was suggesting that you be the best man," Hamilton said at last. When Laurens finally got it, he froze for a moment. Stuck in place and surprised, he stared out the window.

At last, Laurens replied: "Me? Be your best man?" He began to laugh as if it were some joke. "You really want me?"

"Of course, I do.” Hamilton stood up, reaching his hands out to brush off his friend's shoulders. The blond man looked down and sighed.

"You must be playing a joke on me, Alexander, you truly must," he said bitterly. 

"It's not everyday that one of us marry," Hamilton whispered. He then added with a morsel of jealousy: "Especially since I had not been to your wedding, of course, my Dear Laurens. Though that was not in your capability, was it? For we hadn't yet been acquainted and I therefore do not deserve to even know about that wedding.”

"I already apologized for that, I beg of you not to bring it up again," Laurens glared at the red-headed man, who still laid his hands upon his chest as if he had been distracted while readjusting and dusting his uniform off.

"Yes, yes, it's all fine, Dear," he huffed, his eyes rolling subtly. Laurens clenched his jaw and looked away from the judgmental eyes of the shorter man.

"You don't quite sound as if it's fine, Alex," Laurens said.

"Anyway, you know I love you so very tenderly. Hence, why not attend to my wedding, hm? Make this occasion joyous with your presence and do keep me sane, for I had already expressed to you, my great demise as defined by this marriage."

"Ah, yes, that demise of which you had expressed to me via a letter whilst I was practically incapacitated!"

"Incapacitated?" Hamilton raised and eyebrow. "Why, John, I beg your pardon! You were in perfect health."

"Virtually speaking, no, I was not. Your letter had come to me at such an inconceivably rude manner, of while I was still a prisoner to Philadelphia. It disturbs me, that you think it appropriate to send such a letter to which you so abruptly reveal your courtship to Miss Schuyler!" Laurens argued.

"Now, now, Laurens," Hamilton warned, "I had only found out about Miss Martha Manning— or should I say, Mrs. Laurens— from several letters that were passed on to me by the so-called mother of your wife! How deserve you the right of anger when you so lied to me! For I surely would not have found out if not for those letters; otherwise, you would not have told me."

Laurens huffed and crossed his arms, causing Hamilton to pull his hands away from the taller man's chest. Laurens replied: "How are you so sure that I would not have told you? And, lying is a quite drastic way to phrase 'not telling you'."

"Damn you," Hamilton lowered his voice. "You and I both know that you would not have told me. For two years of our friendship, you never told me, so why would you have suddenly spoken?" He paused and sucked in a breath, his fingertips gently moving to the Laurens’ side and brushing down his waist, "Dear Laurens, I do consider it lying. When we engaged, I believed you were not married. I believed you were a bachelor and that the sins we committed would not extend to infidelity."

Laurens had nearly resolved to push Hamilton away but drew closer instead. He spoke so softly, "Alexander, marriage never stopped you."

"No, I suppose it didn't," Hamilton chuckled a little, his arms tenderly wrapping around Laurens’ waist. "I ensured by my letter that my affections to you certainly wouldn't diminish."

"Won't they?" His eyebrows drew together pitifully, his lips pursed as he made eye contact with Hamilton.

Hamilton smiled faintly, holding onto Laurens still. "No, they won't. I've always loved you, and you came before Elizabeth. My undesired urge to marry was only by a tinge of you— and your desire is mine, my Dear Laurens, as it always has been. But as I am about to be no longer a bachelor, won't you quench my desires? Won't you please be the best man at my wedding?"

Laurens thought for a moment. This all felt so wrong to the man, and yet... Hamilton felt like his only happiness. The only companion with whom he truly found a confidant. 

Laurens spoke at last: "Your pleading has prompted me to abide with your desires, Alexander. I submit to you; I will be your best man. Still..."

"Still what, my Dear?" 

Laurens huffed. "Still, I find this all to be so arduous and... well, to put it quite blatantly and simply, wrong."

"Laurens..." Hamilton whispered. "My dear, dear Laurens, I love you. You have always been the one whom I am in the most affectionate friendship with, one of which deserves a name better than that. You and I, we stand together forever and always, defiant and sharing tenderness of political synonymy. Again I say it, John, I love you. Perhaps I shall say it a million times to get my point across," he paused and chuckled a little, "but 'tis indeed true. And not anything, not a million letters nor sonnets nor a billion words could ever express this to you. And our friendship... though not fully chaste but indeed true to the Philia I hold to you, will never sway in the winds of judgement. You, Laurens, are my closest friend. You, Laurens, are the one whom I love. And I am sure that not even sordid physical acts could convince you of this fact. Still, though it does indeed feel wrong or prove to be arduous, it is true."

"Oh, Alexander..." Laurens sighed, trying to avoid being so obviously touched by Hamilton's sweet words, "Spoken like a true god."

Hamilton laughed, embracing Laurens in a hug, not willing to let go. His arms wrapped around his back and held onto his coat, his head against his shoulder.

"John, I submit my storge love to you fully and unconditionally, without further hesitation you will always be in my eyes and in my bosom."

"Often, I find you to be my Ouranos, being the cause and the root for my unholy desires, for the reason of the birth of beauty, the parent of a true Aphrodite that burns within me," Laurens whispered. 

"Such a beautiful way to put your words. Your affection shall not be unreturned... and when I marry, I assure you it shall not be neglected."

“You do so promise?”

“Indeed I do. I love you.”

“I love you, too.” Laurens pursed his lips and let out a bitter chuckle. Hamilton pulled his head away from the other man’s body and smiled coyly.

“Kiss me, fool.”

Laurens shook his head, leaned down, then pressed a tender kiss to Hamilton’s chapped lips. He could do nothing more than pull Hamilton closer. The realization that he had been losing Hamilton— perhaps to a lack of affection on his part, perhaps to not tying the man down before to gain his promise, or perhaps to the fact that their acts were sinful and blasphemous— hit him hard. Laurens embraced Hamilton as if there was no other way in the world to keep him.

He knew for a fact that Hamilton would be gone when he left go. So, he did his best not to let go now. Desperately he pulled away with a pant and began to kiss Hamilton’s jaw, his neck; and desperately he groped for some sort of reassurance that seemed now to not even exist as he hoped it would. 

Laurens couldn’t help but feel tears in his eyes. He pulled Hamilton to a cot and got on top of him, kissing him now almost too gently. The desperado within him burned out and left him with only sadness. Laurens pushed the sadness away. 

What he was trying to accomplish, Laurens didn’t know. Hamilton wouldn’t flake on marriage just because of a measly act of affection. Laurens could try to convince himself that, of course, but knew it was in vain. He could ask Hamilton to stay unmarried but that would contradict what he told him many times before. To get married, to cure them of their illness, to fix them so they could live lives of saints again. No more sodomitical infidelity— but marriage was the wrong cure, as even now Hamilton couldn’t seem to let go of this dastardly attachment.

Laurens couldn’t wash away this feeling of hopelessness and pain. Not even through sordid, unspeakable acts that used to bring him a rush and perhaps some sort of feeling of optimism for the future, despite how disgusting he felt afterwards. He tried desperately to hold on.

• • •

"Philia, Storge, Eros, Agape... you all know the four loves within our universe," Laurens began, standing cleanly with his glass close to his chest. "Philia is a bond that we all share with somebody. Look around you— whoever is your subject of Philia is in mind. And we can all share this love. The unbreakable bond of philia between soldiers in these trying times of war,” he paused while many men, soldiers, cheered. “And in marriage, Alexander and Elizabeth share this with one another."

He paused again and smiled, motioning to Hamilton and Elizabeth, who sat nearby, listening to Laurens' words happily.

Laurens went on: "Storge... a love that we all have within our families and friends, our colleagues and children, we have this Storge. We have a warm love for one another, one that is surely natural and needs no coercion to impose. When Elizabeth bears children for her husband and they grow a family, this is the love they will share with their children. A love that is present through values and morals, through teaching of laws and the undoubtedly safe nation they will live in when we win this war."

Laurens heard a another chorus of men cheer at that. He chuckled and continued his speech.

"And Eros..." he paused for the bit of chuckling, "ah, Eros. Now don't we all find that Eros within our lifelong husbands or wives? You may perceive Eros as sin, but within marriage, isn't that what is needed? We must all be capable of sharing Eros with our spouses," he paused once more and added jokingly, "now, that is between the couple.”

Hamilton shook his head while people laughed, folding his arms eventually as it died down.

Laurens sighed and went on. "And finally, Agape. We recognize Agape as our love to God, or His unconditional love to us, but even greater, it is the charitable love of which we all strive to obtain. We strive for selflessness and honor, traits a great gentleman or lady do truly need. This Agape love is the most powerful thing... while only He who resides in heaven, our Lord God and savior Jesus Christ, is capable of true Agape, we can all do our best to charitably love one another as God and His son, who died for our sins, loves us. As Ephesians 4:32 says, 'Be kind to each other, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, just as God through Christ has forgiven you.' In marriage, they will surely be in Agape."

Laurens felt a sudden pain at the rehearsal of the Bible verse. Kind and forgiving, tenderhearted. He seemed to lack those qualities in favor for anger and resentment. He was, though, tenderhearted and couldn’t always hide that despite how he tried to. 

Laurens took a deep breath while people murmured and clapped gently in agreement. He made quick eye contact with Hamilton before looking away again.

"And now I raise this glass," Laurens lifted the fine glass of champagne, his eyes wandering across the great hall of people, "to my dearest friend, Alexander. Elizabeth... when I say you deserve this man, it is a high compliment to you with great gratitude. Anybody would be lucky to marry a fine man such as himself... Elizabeth, be your husband's heart, his life, and his one and only thought, and he will be yours.”

He blinked a few times, forcing a smile. His glass stayed suspended for a few moments in his hand, far above the table from which he ate with the newly weds. His heart felt all wrong and it was this moment that he wished he hadn't come at all. He wished he had resolved to stay behind and remain far away, as he had planned to do before. But, when Alexander Hamilton pleads, you must answer. 

He glanced over at Hamilton and regained his breath. Laurens went on; "Though we all know Hamilton to be abrasive and overbearing," he paused while many people chuckled at his prodding at Hamilton, "he truly is a faithful companion and certainly shan't fail to be a one to that of Elizabeth. There is no scruple within me when I proclaim that he is a truly amazing friend... and will most surely be an even better husband."

There were smiles from the guests who listened intently to Laurens’ words. Elizabeth, too, was smiling, her hand in Hamilton’s as they listened to Laurens.

"And so," Laurens finalized, "on this joyous occasion, I wish happiness and a lifetime of satisfied companionship to Mr. and Mrs. Alexander Hamilton. As the scripture says: 'Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins.'"

The crowd cheered and Laurens sat, drinking some of his champagne to the toast. Hamilton, beside him, nudged him and they stood, sharing a hug. Laurens let go too soon, feeling the loss of his friend's embrace wash over him like a river drowning him in sorrow. When he let go of Hamilton, he felt like he was letting go of his affections forever. He was withdrawing from Philia, Eros, Storge, and Agape.

•"In spite of Schuylers black eyes, I have still a part for the public and another for you."•

**Author's Note:**

> This was just a sad little tribute to a timeline somewhere in some universe in which Hamilton wants Laurens to actually go to his wedding— may or may not be a nod to Sherlock.


End file.
